As Big As A House
by OverwhelmedAndTerrified
Summary: Danny had seen this kind of thing in movies, the husband who was too stressed or too tired or too afraid to come home, but he never thought he'd be that guy. They weren't even married for Christ's sake. AU Twisted two-shot
1. Chapter 1

**Not sure why all these strange ideas keep popping into my head. But I've learned not to question it and to just write until they say stop. So here it is.**

Danny had seen this kind of thing in movies, the husband who was too stressed or too tired or too afraid to come home, but he never thought he'd be that guy. They weren't even married for Christ's sake. But he certainly hadn't been sitting out in the parking lot going on 11 minutes because he just loved the feel of his Honda's interior.

"What are you doing Desai?" he groaned, running both hands through his hair. It was almost to his shoulder blades at this point. She kept hounding him to get a haircut so he just let it grow out of spite; a small victory in a petty war. Danny took a deep breath of preparation and grabbed the plastic Walmart bags from his passenger seat.

_"_I. Like. Big. Butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny!" his cell blasted a ringtone Lacey had set up months ago as a prank. It was ridiculous but he never changed it. That silly joke was proof that they used to be so much happier.

"Hey Rico." he answered after checking the screen.

"Dude! Job interview at Hampton Incorporated this Thursday. You in?"

"Hampton Inc.? Isn't that where you work?"

"Yeah."

"Sooo what would you be my boss or something?"

Rico hissed sympathetically, "Nooot exactly..?"

Danny rolled his eyes as his high school friend started that whole nervous ramble thing he always did. It was good to see him being his normal self though. After Jo flew halfway across the country to attend Colorado State University last year, Rico had fallen into this pseudo-depression. The unequivocal ache of love unrequited combined with his and Jo's inability to reconcile created a black hole that nearly swallowed him completely. Fortunately, Lacey and Danny remained in Green Grove and were able to facilitate his speedy rejuvenation.

Lacey and Rico both enrolled at the University of New York. Currently out for the summer, Rico had started a mandatory co-op for the Bachelor of arts Business degree program about 3 weeks prior.

"Whoa ok breathe man. Stop rambling and just spit it out." Danny pulled a Slim Jim from one of the Walmart bags. "What position am I interviewing for?"

"Well you'd kinda be like a gopher...not a real gopher animal, you'd be the one to buy coffee and run errands and like...'Oh hey Danny GO FOR some donuts for the board meeting' or 'GO FOR my dry cleaning because I'm the CEO and I like crisp shirts' or 'GO FOR...to McDonalds and-'"

"Rico I get it!"

"Uh yeah ok so, are you interested or what?"

Danny leaned his head back and sighed with everything in him. Rico wasn't going to be his boss, EVERYBODY was going to be his boss. He stared at the overhead light of his car.

It wasn't surprising that jobs didn't want to hire, and schools didn't want to accept the ex-juvie, murder-charged teen with rock and roll hair, no matter how exonerated he was of everything. After graduation he managed to get a job at Johnnycakes as the cashier nobody wanted to interact with. It only took the town 6 months to run him out of there. Next it was this weird sort of park ranger's assistant over at McNally. His manager's brilliant idea to give him the late shifts caused quite a controversy. Imagine the town sociopath patrolling a park at sunset. Yeah, it only took 2 months of protesting to get him booted outta there. He'd been unemployed ever since, living off of a little financial help from Karen, some odd jobs at the university, and his girlfriend, Lacey; which, really, was no way for any self-respecting man to survive.

He ripped the plastic from the Slim Jim with his teeth, "Yeah I'm in." He paused for a second, "This isn't gonna be like that one 'interview' you set me up with is it?"

"Ok look Danny, I SWEAR on an economics textbook that I didn't know it was a strip club!"

"Suuure you didn't."

"Their want ad was very professional!"

"Right."

"You know you probably could've gotten the job if you'd actually put some thought into a routine-"

"I am not having this conversation." Danny chuckled.

"Well the interview's at 2."

"Thanks man."

"Yeah no problem."

A weighted lull in the conversation left both guys pondering very different things and unsure of what to say.

"Danny-"

"How-"

They began simultaneously.

"Go ahead." Rico prompted.

"I was just gonna ask how you were doing. I know it's been a tough year for you."

"I could ask you the same thing."

Silence settled. Danny waited.

"She still might come. You know like towards the end of the summer before school starts back up." Rico attempted to convince them both.

"She might..." Danny nodded slowly, "...but if she doesn't..."

"I'll be disappointed sure but, I'm not gonna get the Jo Masterson blues again I promise."

"Good."

"Yeah."

Another palpable lapse in dialogue.

"What were you gonna say before?"

"I can't even remember." Rico laughed a nervous laugh that was really more sad than anything.

"Ok well you know if you wanna talk-"

"Yeah sure man. Listen I gotta go get these files uh...filed before 5. I'll talk to you later."

"Alri-"

The dial tone said goodbye before he could. He set the phone down on his thigh and took a bite of Slim Jim. It was crazy that Rico, who'd really been the flightiest and most anxious throughout that whole Regina Crane debacle, turned out to be a long term friend to both him and Lacey. Rico was nice to a fault and extremely loyal. And even though Danny felt he could never repay the guy for siding with him during his legal troubles, Rico always did kind, selfless things, as if it was he who owed Danny.

Half the beef jerky gone, Danny finally found the courage he needed. He'd been out in the parking lot for nearly half an hour and the last thing he needed was for her to grow impatient. But everything felt so ominous after his conscious decision to man up. The rustle of the Walmart bags, the reassuring beep of his Honda's locking mechanism, even his sneakers' gentle scrape across the asphalt lot drew him closer to a nerve-frazzling uncertainty. He paused and set the bags down before quickly sweeping and securing his hair up into a sloppy bun; one less thing for her to harp about.

Danny slowly ascended the stairs of building 12. He planned on telling her about the job interview right away. Lacey always said she loved him in a suit. Maybe a job where he'd potentially have to wear a button up shirt and tie everyday would put her in a good mood. The very possibility made those last few steps to apartment B bearable.

He entered the small but well constructed residence with a rush of apprehension and the remaining Slim Jim cigar-like between his teeth.

"It's about time. What took you so long?"

Lacey was sitting on the couch with all the attitude in the world, reading some girl magazine. She didn't even look up as he silently walked through the living room. Now that he was back in the line of fire, Danny's trepidation immediately gave way to annoyance.

"Did you get my blue ranch?"

He heard her approaching as he set the bags down on their dark, cherry wood kitchen table.

"Yeah." he mumbled around the Slim Jim, passing her a party sized bag of chips.

"What about the yogurt?"

Danny handed her a tub of vanilla Yoplait before pulling out the few groceries he'd bought: milk, eggs, Cocoa Puffs. He put the cereal on top of the refrigerator and the other 2 inside of it. Lacey set her yogurt on the counter and ripped the lid off, not noticing that Danny had stopped to watch. She slowly peeled the plastic cover back, taking her time to lick the vanilla skin there. Her boyfriend leaned against the fridge and stared, suddenly very, very aware of how long it had been since they had sex. Completely clean, the plastic film lay forgotten on the floor as she pulled the chip bag open. That strong blue ranch smell wafted from inside and made her mouth water. She'd had an intense craving hours before she made Danny go on a Walmart run and now that her brain sensed satisfaction, an almost euphoric sensation washed over her.

Lacey gingerly reached for the biggest chip she could see and carefully dipped it into the semi-firm vanilla yogurt. Not caring about manners or appearances, she shoved the whole sweet and tangy combo in her mouth. Danny's dick stirred juuust a little as he watched her lick 2 of her fingertips. He was too used to her bizarre eating habits to be disgusted. Especially when her dimples sank deeper as she smiled a genuine smile for the first time in days. Her light brown eyes suddenly regarded him quizzically.

"Wha?" she asked, mouth totally full.

He took another bite of jerky and chewed slowly. Her hair, which had gotten even longer and shinier the past few months, was down in an uncontrollable mess of natural curls and waves. He couldn't remember the last time he ran his fingers through it. Her caramel skin glowed, even up where it was wrinkling in confusion on her forehead. She shifted under his gaze, causing her larger breasts to shift as well. The tight white Beatles shirt, which she refused to stop wearing until it absolutely didn't fit anymore, cried out for 'Help!' Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr's faces stretched almost beyond recognition over her boobs. But it was really John Lennon who suffered. He was a bunched and taut mass of wrinkles attempting to cover the vast expanse of her belly.

Lacey was 6 months pregnant.

**Next and final chapter will be up soon. As in the next couple of days soon...or maybe tomorrow who knows. Review please **


	2. Chapter 2

He studied the sheer roundness of her stomach. A rigorous lotion regimen had prevented stretch marks so far, leaving smooth, monochromatic skin that gaped out from underneath her shirt.

"What Danny?" Lacey snapped suddenly, unnerved by his insistent stare.

"You look so beautiful." His eyes drifted up to meet hers.

She stiffened, she froze with a chip en route to her waiting mouth. The kitchen's atmosphere became noticeably tenser.

"Don't say that." she stabbed her loaded potato chip in the yogurt tub and grabbed the bag of blue ranch.

"Why not?" he followed her into the living room. She waddled in that cute way he liked and it made him chuckle at the absurdity of her mood swing.

"Because I'm not beautiful." she turned to face him, "I'm as big as a house and I eat like a monster."

"Lace you're pregnant. I'm pretty sure that stuff is supposed to happen." he shoved the last of the Slim Jim in his mouth.

"Whatever." she huffed, lowering herself to the couch as best as she could while balancing her pre-dinner snack. Danny chewed thoughtfully. It definitely wasn't the first time she'd grown aggravated with him when he thought he was just being a good boyfriend. Multiple talks with his mother had informed him that Lacey's crazy mood swings were completely normal. According to Karen, his girlfriend was just a walking, talking hormonal imbalance at this point. He tried his best to remain patient and accommodating, but endless months of her see sawing between elation and fury, affection and distress, were wearing on him.

Lacey had moved into the 1 bedroom apartment a few days before classes began at the U of NY. When they found out she was pregnant about 2 weeks into the 2nd semester, Danny left his childhood home and Karen behind to be a live-in, round the clock support system and food fetcher. The only problem was that his unemployment seemed to be stretching on forever, forcing Lacey to keep working in the biological science's research lab as her body continued to swell. A majority of the time her shoulders bore the weight of the pregnancy, and all it entailed, job responsibilities, and collegiate-level homework assignments. It kind of helped that it was summer vacation but she was still stressed to the max and it made Danny feel guiltier than he could stand sometimes. He felt like he deserved every bit of her wrath, no matter how good his intentions. He took a shallow breath and attempted to avoid an argument at all costs.

"I have a job interview on Thursday."

"Really!?" Lacey let him have one of her pretty smiles, "That's so great Danny!?"

All at once elated, Lacey held out her arms and motioned him over so she wouldn't have to stand. Relieved at her intensely positive reaction, Danny sat down and leaned into the hug. With their arms wrapped around one another, for a moment they were the unstoppable 'Dacey' that Phoebe was always talking about back in high school.

"Where is the interview? What time? What are you going to wear? Details, Desai, details!" she popped a celebratory chip.

He grinned, "It's on Thursday at 2 o'clock. It's at the Hampton Inc. building off of Garnette street, you know the place where Rico does his co-op?"

Lacey stopped mid-chew and there was yet another giant shift in the room's temperature.

"Rico?"

He hesitated, very unsure of what were the right and wrong things to say, "Uh yeah you remember Rico right? Short, brown hair, in love with one Jo Masterson?"

"Danny stop it with the jokes. Is Rico the one who set this up?"

"Yeah why?"

"Well I mean he was the one who got you that interview at Mr. Pop's All Male Revue."

"That was an accident Lace. He didn't know that it was a strip club."

"He didn't know that Mr. Pop's ALL MALE REVUE was- "

"It just said 'Mr. Pop's' on the want ad. He thought it was a restaurant or something."

"I don't think you should just blindly trust Rico with this kind of stuff. What if he's wasting your time again?" Lacey awkwardly stood up and faced him with her arms folded.

"What do you have against Rico all of a sudden?" he stayed seated, hoping that might diffuse whatever was slowly erupting, "It's RICO he wouldn't hurt a fly let alone waste my time on purpose."

"Ugh I know that Danny I just..."

She turned away suddenly.

"You just what Lacey?"

There was a pause that he could tell was pivotal. She was either going to continue being upset or switch gears and tackle a different emotion entirely. He watched her shoulders rise and fall in a sigh that broke open at the end. She gasped then sniffled and Danny was instantly on his feet.

"Lace what is it?" He went around to face his pregnant and emotional girlfriend.

Tears streamed down her face, dripping faster with each tremulous breath.

"I just...I want you to get a good job Danny." Her red eyes met his, sending a pang of guilt to spread behind his ribs, "You've been through so much a-and you deserve a good job. You deserve it."

He grasped her elbows between his fingers and she melted at the touch. They pressed together, Danny holding her as close as he could without crushing her big belly.

He didn't know what the right words were. Karen hadn't offered any advice regarding this kind of situation. Probably because he hadn't told her how the guilt made it difficult to function sometimes, or how he was becoming increasingly aware that Lacey deserved so much better than him, or how the sound of her crying destroyed him one piece at a time,

"Lace." he breathed, pulling back to look into her watery eyes, "I know this has been hard for you. I know that. You're carrying our son and you shouldn't have to work at all, let alone as hard as you do. And it kills me that I can't provide for you like I should...it KILLS me Lace." he cradled her face in his hands, "I just need some more time- "

"Time Danny!?" her hormones surged, tipping the scales to 'pissed off' at breakneck speed. Lacey wrenched her head away. "I'm 6 months pregnant with your baby! Am I going to be waddling into the science lab 3 months from now!? Pulling double shifts all the time and standing for hours on end!? And then what's going to happen when I have the baby and I can't go back to work right away!?"

"I swear to you I'm trying-"

"You've been trying since December Danny! It's July, I'm STILL paying all the bills, and you're playing around at strip clubs with Rico!"

"Playing around!?" He was losing his composure, "People don't want to hire me Lacey! It doesn't matter that I didn't kill Tara, it doesn't matter that I didn't kill Regina, it doesn't even matter that I killed my father out of self defense! Nobody wants to give me a chance ok! Nobody!"

"I'm EXHAUSTED!" She ran a hand through her unruly hair, "My back hurts ALL the time! I puke two HUNDRED times a day and I pee two THOUSAND times a day! And then I have to go into work and pretend like it's all good when it's not!"

And that's when she began to crumble. Her entire demeanor changed from anger to utter anguish in the blink of 2 teary eyes. Danny watched her body sag under the weight of something she could barely carry and he really wasn't sure if it was from hormones or just sheer disappointment this time.

"It's not all good Danny but I can't take a day off because we have a baby coming in 3 months whether we're ready or not, whether you're unemployed or not!" she spoke with a consuming sadness that shattered the pieces of his heart that weren't already rotten with remorse. He stepped closer and tried to wrap his arms around her.

"Just get off of me Danny!" she pushed him, "I can't keep-..."

"What? You can't keep what? Lacey?!"

He followed after her as she abruptly turned and headed towards the bedroom.

"I can't keep doing this, us! This relationship isn't working!"

She was crying harder than ever, but words escaped him completely. They had broken up maybe once or twice in the past. The most recent time being when Danny got fired from the McNally park job. Another unwarranted termination had caused him frustration like he'd never known and was, consequently, unable to handle properly. They were only single for like 2 and a half days. But the tone of her voice just then implied something much more permanent.

"...you don't mean that Lace."

"Don't tell me what I mean!" she whirled around to face him.

Their son had been conceived in that very bedroom. It was a total lady's lair both before and after Danny moved in, but he didn't think he deserved any part in decorating until he could contribute to the apartment financially. But now Lacey was screaming that what he did put forth, a little money and all of his love, still wasn't enough.

"I'm sorry okay. I'm trying." he pleaded with her. After hiding in the parking lot for half an hour and growing his hair out just to annoy her, Danny was still petrified at the prospect of losing Lacey.

She bawled like the brown-eyed, brunette little boy she'd soon bring into the world, and it rocked Danny to his foundation. As their relationship deepened, Lacey had become more comfortable crying in front of him. But this was something he'd never seen before. Even as a child she didn't let her emotions get the best of her and unravel right there on the spot. Yet here she was now, in the purple and white décor of her bedroom, falling to pieces and pushing him away.

"Lacey please say something. I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "I can't-"

All of a sudden she gasped and hunched over.

"Lacey!?" Danny took 2 big strides to her.

"I need to sit down." she reached for him.

He grasped her wrist and elbow, carefully lowering her onto the queen-sized bed.

"Babe what is it!?" Danny was starting to freak out, "I mean it can't be time yet right!? We still have-"

Without warning, Lacey grabbed his wrist and placed his trembling hand on her stomach, just above and t the left of her gaping belly button. Somewhere within the turbid depths of amniotic fluid and placental tissue, their future son kicked. A tiny thump of pressure vibrated beneath Lacey's luminescent skin, across Danny's palm, and through his splayed fingers. His lips parted with a profound intake of breath. That was his son, already a soccer player just like his dad.

Danny's eyes found Lacey's and she smiled at him tearfully. They sat there staring, falling into the depths of one another and waiting for another lively kick.

He began to gently rub her belly in circles

"I love you so much Danny." she whispered. The anger was forgotten, the agony dissipated. He delicately wiped her tears.

"I love you too Lace." his hand caressed her stomach in soothing infinity symbols. "Things are gonna get better I promise."

She pulled her lips in and nodded silently. Lacey didn't know if she fully believed him, but her heart was not about to let him go.

Danny gave her a reassuring smile. She watched and felt his soft lips press to her distended belly so tenderly it tore her heart in half. She had been pushing Danny away for months now but he was always too lovingly patient and she was always too irrevocably enamored. A wave of nausea hastily overtook her but she bit her lip hard, refusing to interrupt such a perfect moment. She knew in the back of her mind that, more than anything, her body was sick with worry, caging a secret that was as big as a house. Lacey watched Danny place another affectionate kiss to her swollen abdomen and wondered if she'd ever find the courage to tell him that the baby wasn't his.

The end.

***braces self* Review please...?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay I feel I should say something because yall seem pretty upset. I am a HUGE Dacey fan I swear. That's why I write about them. I don't, however, wake up in the morning wondering how I can piss off other Dacey fans. No, not at all. But because this is a fan fiction site, I thought it'd be fun to put our favorite Twisted couple in fictional situations that would never occur on the show. My hope was that you'd all read these unexpected endings and be like 'Whoa what a twist I did not see that coming'. I thought you'd all enjoy a story that didn't just have a typical happy ending just as much as I enjoyed writing it. There are plenty of stories on here where Dacey has the sweet, happily ever after most of you are looking for, so I thought it'd be cool to try something different. It wasn't my intention to disappoint anyone or deceive anyone. I just think to myself "Hmmm what if this happened?" and I write it. **

**In "Stacy" I tried to portray Danny as the teenage boy who all the girls throw themselves at but, instead of being the sweetheart he is on the show, he's more of a real teenage boy who wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of all the pussy tossed his way. In my mind there would be some girls who he used just for sex and Lacey, being one of the 'outcasts' in the story, would be one of them.**

**In 'As big as a house' Lacey technically didn't cheat, just to clarify. I mentioned that they broke up around the time Danny lost his job in December. And if you do all the math, Lacey would've gotten pregnant during one of the days they weren't together because she was heartbroken and seeking comfort. She just happened to have found it in another guy.**

**I labeled them both Dacey and I'll admit that 'Stacy' I guess isn't Dacey and that was just my newness to the site showing. I guess I just figured Dacey meant the story involved them being a couple and not necessarily that everything between them is perfect at the end. So maybe I should just stop calling them Dacey from now on if their relationship is rocky at the end...? I don't know.**

**'Fated swingset' is definitely Dacey just to show that I am capable of writing a Dacey with sunshine and rainbows lol and no, I don't intend to just write stories that have surprise, "bad" endings. Although I don't think they're "bad" just different.**

**I get it if this isn't what yall are looking for and if you don't wanna read my one-shots anymore. I get it. And I know you can't really tell a person's tone through text but this isn't a personal attack on any of you or me lashing out or anything. I just wanted to clarify and hopefully not lose all you forever and ever lol.**

**I do appreciate everyone who read and reviewed, both negatively and positively. I swear I didn't think these little one-shots would be such a big deal and cause such a backlash, it's just fiction. But yeah, again I didn't intend to make you all mad or sad or anything like that. And no, I'm not a Janny fan in disguise either I promise...although that would be an interesting plot twist don't you think? lol**


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